"Why? Why? Why?" at 3. "Nothing." at 10. Seven signs your child is thinking.
The seven signs to look for, what to say back to each one, three ways to answer the tenth "why", and twenty whys with answers a small child can follow.
What thinking looks like at three.
It rarely looks like sitting quietly. It looks like the same question four times. Here is what to watch for, and one line to say back.
Each sign, and why I count it.
These are things I watch for as a father. They are not a test and there is no score to pass. It saves on this phone, so you can come back.
0 of 7: Tick the ones you saw this week.
Sign five is the one we stop most often. The spoon dropped six times looks like mischief. Often it is a child checking that the same thing happens every time.
Three ways to answer when you have nothing left.
The tenth "why" always comes at the worst time. Dal on the stove, a call on hold. Nobody answers all of them. You don't have to. Answer some, like this.
-
Hand it back. "What do you think?"
Their answer tells you what they are really asking. -
Admit it. "I don't know. Let's find out."
They learn that not knowing is where finding out starts. -
Park it. "Ask me again at dinner."
Then at dinner, you ask them. A parked question that comes back is a promise kept.
"One minute" is fine when the minute ends. Put the phone face-down and go back to the question. That is all they were checking.
I am Manjunath. I built a maze for my daughter, and these guides are what I learnt on the way.
Curiosity isn't taught.
It's kept alive by someone who answers. That is why I build things a child has to figure out with their own hands.
Read my story →Short enough for a three-year-old. True enough for you.
Pick a group. Say the answer in your own words, then ask one question back.
- Why is the moon following us? It is very, very far away. Near things like trees rush past. Far things seem to stay with you.
- Why is the sky blue? Sunlight has every colour mixed in it. The air throws the blue around the most, so blue reaches our eyes from all sides.
- Why does it rain? Water from seas and lakes goes up as drops too small to see. They gather into clouds. When the drops get heavy, they fall.
- Where does the sun go at night? Nowhere. Our Earth is a spinning ball. At night, our side has turned away from the sun.
- Why do stars come only at night? They are there in the day too. The sun is so bright that we can't see them.
- Why do we have to sleep? Your body grows and mends while you sleep, and your brain puts away what you learnt today.
- Why do I get hungry? Food is your body's fuel. When it runs low, your tummy sends a message to your brain.
- Why does it hurt when I fall? Pain is your body's alarm. It says, "Look after this spot."
- Why do we blink? Each blink spreads a little water over the eye to keep it wet and clean, like a wiper.
- Why do I have to brush my teeth? Tiny germs eat the food left on your teeth and make holes. Brushing sweeps them off.
- Why does the cooker whistle? The water inside turns into steam. Steam pushes hard to get out. When it lifts the weight on top, it rushes out with a whistle.
- Why does ice melt? Ice is water that got very cold and went hard. When it warms up, it turns back into water.
- Why does the fan make wind? The blades are tilted. As they spin, they push the air towards us.
- Why does my shadow follow me? Your body blocks the light. The dark shape where the light can't reach is your shadow, so it goes where you go.
- Why can't I see in the dark? Eyes need light. Light bounces off things and into our eyes. With no light, there is nothing for the eyes to catch.
- Why can birds fly and we can't? Birds have wings, very light bones and strong chest muscles. We are too heavy, and we have arms.
- Why do leaves fall? Some trees drop their old leaves to save water in the dry or cold months. Then they grow new ones.
- Why do dogs wag their tails? It is one way a dog shows what it feels. Often it is excited or happy, but not always, so we still ask before we touch.
- Why do ants walk in a line? The first ant leaves a smell on the ground. The others follow the smell.
- Why do flowers smell nice? The smell calls bees and butterflies. They help the plant make seeds.
These are plain school-science answers, kept simple. If your child asks the next "why", that is sign one.
The engineer in me sees "why?" as a small child checking if the line is open. Does this person answer me? Every answer says yes.
Tap each one.
These are my answers as a father, not research findings.
By ten, there is a phone in their hand. The habit of bringing a question to you is built years before that, one answered "why" at a time.
You are cooking. "Why does the cooker whistle?" comes for the fourth time. Best reply?
Park it, and keep the promise. You do not have to stop cooking. You only have to show that the question still has a place. The one who brings it back at dinner is you.
At bedtime the whys come in a flood. One tonight, the rest in the morning. Write them on a slip by the bed if it helps you remember.
Hanuman's Fruit Hunt
The little Hanuman who thought the sun was a fruit, on a birch wood board. Your child guides every fruit along the path with a magnetic pen. It does nothing until their hand moves it. No batteries, no sound. For 15 months and up.
This guide has no statistics on purpose. The seven signs and the replies are one father's observations, to be tried and judged in your own home.
Let's build childhoods worth cherishing.